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Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Once a Friend, Now a Stranger


You are my confidant
And I am your constant
You are my cheerer
And I am your supporter
We are inseparable
We make things able
We laugh all day
We cry all night
Until one day
I thought it was just a play
You're no longer my confidant
And I'm no longer your constant
It happened so quick
We're both not prepared
We cannot stand being together
Looking away from each other
I wonder what went wrong
Why it was so easy for you to let go
Why didn't you hold on?
Why can't you tell me?
We used to be each others ally
But why did we become strangers so quickly?
Is it our choice?
Or is it directly Gods plan?

Ruin

Take heed lest you fall into the tempting hands of ruin she sighs, gives a shrilling cry of longing and abuse Drawn to her promised twists you seek the need that she can give you smile, drunk in lust dreaming that you have won Trapped in her piercing warmth you huff and puff to wrench free a victory, we rejoice when you do but pieces of you stay, bleeding and torn Lost in the strength of spirits and wines you yearn and yearn to feel divine sad mournful pieces come away as you welcome her embrace, yet again.

Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Anxiety


I feel like I am not real
I cannot heal
I try to hold everything back
But all the things I lack

Add to the weight on my chest 
Making me unable to rest
So I cannot breathe while I cry
How am I even getting by?

I lie in bed for hours before I can rest peacefully
How can I change me
To make myself better
Before I write my last letter? 

I crack under the pressure until I break
Am I even awake? 
Everything feels like a bad dream 
But I cannot wake up and scream 
I'm so afraid of me

I can't see clearly 
I can barely stand 
Because I don't like who I am
I don't know why I'm unable to change 
It seems so strange 

Everyone else can change. 
So why do I stay the same?

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Inspiration comes when you not looking

I gave away my curiosity; trusted your stick was leading me right.
Void of any sense of will or desire.
My every thought was the smallest measure of time;
always hours behind reality.
Escalators were taking me to last floor of my deepest thoughts i guess.
But i gave away control, didn't I?
What did i expect to find?
Figured if i can't stand in the truth of faith, i drift in the error of facts.
So I quit dressing myself ever since you showed me the right pants.
With a frozen account, I sure can't shop around.
Regardless! I'm willing to stay out of fashion on your account.

I can't imagine how much weight I lost just by jumping into conclusions;
Only to discover what l thought were prerequisites were just rewards.
Why was I busy hammering when I didn't know the shape you had designed?
You were always there making sure the right heaven match-sticks.
So I will trust you for a spark no matter how long it takes for a burn.
For now let the thought of tomorrow's heat melt the little ice that remains between you and me.
And when I'm out of inspiration; I will just stop looking.
The only difference is this time you are my eyes;
that's why I'm confident of the walk

_Jayshuwa_

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Le chaos



For as long as I can remember, 
I never knew how to handle my emotions
Whenever things didnt work my way, 
I've always been the first to push the blame
Because i've never seen my inner-self through a mirror
Reflecting a despicable person
Not quite like the yellow, cylindrical minions from "Despicable Me"
I wasn't cute, able to sing nor any of their positive traits
And despite all that,
I was able to feel your genuine love

I knew we wouldn't last forever
And despite priming myself for this day
It breaks my heart still,
Thinking how I used to be yours
But now it all just seems so long ago
Like humans' fueled fascination over Lost Atlantis

I still recall that day,
You left me with an open door
Yet I still feel 
Imprisoned with no key to escape
The all-consuming depths of my aloneness
Is now my only company

As I wait solemnly for the day
I hear from you again
And I hope,
Maybe one day, we'll be better versions
Maybe one day I will be able to look at you, 
Without feeling pain
Maybe one day you'll see my worth
Maybe one day you'll see i've always been there for you
But until then,
I am your mess and you are my chaos!